April 5, 2021

When you’re in the spiral

Our society’s view on negative emotions is skewed, negative emotions have been given a bad rap. We haven’t been taught how vital negative emotions are to human growth. They help guide us live satisfying lives aligned with our core values. They need to be felt but we’re often afraid of them and try to push them away. We chase highs so we do not have to feel “bad.” Negative emotions tell us when we need to make a change, when we need to pay attention, when something is not vibing with who we really are.

While appreciating what negative emotions add to our lives, we can simultaneously recognize that no one likes feeling bad for too long . We don’t want negative emotions to control us. We want to be able to process them, understand them and move on with our lives. When I’m unable to process understand and move on, when I’m unable to pull myself out of the mud, I call it a spiral.

Two points: First, sometimes you need to extend yourself some grace and take a break. I am an advocate for taking a break whenever you need it. Call out of work, curl into a ball with your favorite fuzzy blanket, watch some feel good TV! Embrace the spiral, embrace the suck. These hacks are for when you’re done with the negativity and want to get your life back on track. Second, these hacks are not supposed to prevent you from feeling negative emotions. It’s important not to block or numb negative emotions, but to really feel them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling bad. There is nothing wrong with life becoming overwhelming.

I wrote a previous blog post about measures you can take when you’re feeling good to help keep yourself feeling good. Click on How to keep your mental health, healthy for that post. Sometimes no matter how in tune we are with our body, no matter how many preventative measures we take, how much water we drink, how positive our affirmations are, we still get stuck in the spiral. Sometimes we have to wait these storms out. We have to dive deep when the waves come crashing down. But, here are some steps you can take when you’re in the storm to make the waves smaller.

These are tips and tricks that have worked for me personally. I am not a doctor. Nor am I a mental health professional. If your symptoms are becoming unmanageable you should contact your doctor and a mental health professional. Getting help is the strongest thing you can do. Therapy is life changing.

Identify your emotions. Call the spiral out for what it is. If I’m feeling panicky, my chest heavy, my stomach feels like it’s twisting in on itself or like I could easy throw up lighter fluid-I’ve found from experience that I’m probably feeling anxious. Perhaps on the verge of a panic attack, maybe having a panic attack. It helps to label what you are experiencing. To recognize the emotions and bring them into the light. Don’t try to suppress or run from the scary feelings. Invite it to sit at the table. During my most resent panicky episode, after waking up at 5am feeling like the world as I knew it was ending, I decided to explore my feelings. I had a mental conversation with my anxiety. This may seem outlandish but bear with me. I found I couldn’t just talk to some vague idea of a feeling I was experiencing so I gave it a face. First, I made it into a cute chinchilla. I’m not sure if my mind thought I was trying to demote my feelings into a small rodent, but for whatever reason the chinchilla didn’t work for me. Within minutes the chinchilla was rabid and trying to bite off my toes (seriously the mind can be a scary place before the sun comes up). I regrouped with a new plan. I made anxiety into a friend. I invited her into my bed. I told her that she was heard. Gradually the knots in my stomach became less painful. The more I spoke with her, the more I understood what she was trying to tell me, the less she demanded from me. Our negative emotions aren’t here to hurt us; we can learn a lot from them if we choose to listen.
Drink water. I know, I know, water isn’t going to solve depression. But seriously, have you had enough water today? Water is therapeutic. Add some ice cubes to your glass. Place the ice cubes are your wrists, the cold is grounding. A cold glass of water can really work wonders to improve your mood.
Take a shower. Again, good hygiene isn’t going to magically make your panic attacks go away. But taking the time to feel nice isn’t going to hurt either. If you love self-care, do a self-care routine, use put some lavender essential oils in the shower before you get in, exfoliate, use a face mask, moisturize, pamper yourself. Only do this if these activities usually leave you feeling good. it’s harder to feel bad mentally when your body feels good. Plus, panic attacks can get sweaty so this is really a two in one hack. Meditation in the shower is also great. Imagine your worries being washed away and released by the water. Down the drain the bad things go.
Breathing. Take a deep breath in for three seconds and a deep breath out for three seconds. Three seconds in, three seconds out. Do this for three minutes. Imagine your favorite color entering your body (mines blue) and grey leaving your body. Imagine all the good stuff going in and the bad stuff going out.
Aromatherapy. I love putting essential oils in the shower before I get in. Lemon, Eucalyptus and Lavender are my favorites. Diffusers are great. Or put some essential oils on a cotton ball and leave it by your bed. It’s crazy how much good smells can improve our mood.
Stay off Social Media and the News.
A. Social Media: Even if you’ve curated your accounts not to propagate negativity, social media are highlight reels. I support people doing great, but it’s not what I want to see when I’m feeling my worse. It’s hard to be okay when you’re in the middle of a sad episode and everywhere you scroll is people seemingly living their best lives. It’s okay if you can’t be a cheerleader every second of every day, it can get exhausting.
B. The News: Humans weren’t designed to be constantly updated on what’s going on everywhere in the world. We didn’t evolve to immediately know what new tragedy is devastating our world today. We can stay informed without constantly watching the news. Furthermore, many news stations are biased. It’s a business and news is presented in the most shocking ways to keep us watching, to get more viewers, to prevent us from turning it off. I do think there is a certain amount of responsibility to bear witness to the injustices happening in the world. But I only do that when I feel I can mentally handle it. When my mental health is struggling, I do not consume negative media. It’s not going to help you get out of a spiral, it will likely drag you down deeper. Become informed on what’s going on in the world when you know you can mentally handle becoming informed. If you’re feeling depressed, hearing about global suffering is going to do nothing to help either you or the people who are suffering.
Get out in nature.
Not matter what season it is or what the weather is, nature has so much to give that we can benefit from.
A. Sun. Feel the sun on your skin. Sun feels nice. Sun gives our body vitamin D, something a lot of us are deficient in. Again, I’m not saying sun will magically make all your problems disappear, but it feels good. The last depressive episode I had I went on a walk in the sun. I was able to confirm that yes sun felt nice, but I still felt shitty about life. However, on that walk I saw the funniest white Alaskan malamute pogo stick jumping over a fence to try to say hi to me. That put a smile on my face and was my first step towards feeling better. It helped me get out of my head. It wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t push myself to get outside.
B. Snow. Snow is my favorite. Take a walk in the snow or watch it fall slowly from your window. Snow is magical.
C. Rain. Rain and wind are therapeutic. It’s comforting to know even mother nature needs a release sometimes.
Movement
A. Joyful movement. I find when I’m feeling sad, I prefer less intense joyful movement. Walks, hikes, stretching, low impact activity. If I’m already stressed mentally, I don’t want to also stress out my body with an intensive workout.
B.Intense Workout. When I’m experiencing anger, I like more intense workouts. Long runs with music in my ears. Sometimes intense workouts are helpful with anxiety. When my body is tired, I have less energy to devote to being anxious, less energy to be ruminating in my head. Endorphins from exercise helps shift my perspective. It’s important to not use exercise to block negative emotions. Learn to manage them in a health manner? Yes, completely block out? No.
C. Exercise is also a great preventative measure. When done consistently, it’s an activity that both builds your confidence in yourself and builds the trust you have with yourself.
Practice your hobbies. Do things that keep you rooted in the ground. The things that build your confidence. Like your artwork, your singing, your hiking, your harmonica playing. Whatever it is, do it if you’re able to. It helps you choose joy and not fixate on the negative.
Food.
A. Eat regularly. You cannot process tough emotions you are experiencing in a healthy manner if your body is not fueled.
B. Furthermore, eat nutritious foods. I know from personal experience that when I eat a lot of sugar it negatively affects my mental health. It consistently negatively shifts my perspective and makes it harder for me to stay mentally healthy. It’s tempting to grab a bag of skittles or, in my case, a box of mac and cheese (Velveeta not the real cheese kind). But, before you do, ask yourself if these foods are going to help you feel the way you want to feel. Sometimes the answer is yes, you want the cookies and thanks fine! But make sure you are intentionally choosing that food and you’re not just reacting to stressors in your life. Sometimes I genuinely want the Velveeta mac and cheese. But I want to choose that path. Honestly determine if you’re reaching for that food because you really want it or if you are you reaching for that food to comfort you and distract you because life is hard. It’s a difficult difference to learn, I’m still learning it. Being intentional with what you put into your body is rewarding both mentally and physically. It will build both confidence and trust between you and your body.
C. Extend yourself grace. If you emotionally eat, it’s okay. Use it as a learning opportunity and move on. It happens, being hard on yourself isn’t going to help you feel the way you want to feel.
Mindset. This has helped me completely change my life. You are in control of your life. It’s no one else’s but yours. You are el Capitan. I find this really comforting if I’m in a particularly unhappy situation. You have the power to either physically change an aspect of your life or to change the way you view a particular situation.
A. Perspective is everything. Shifting your perspective is the single most important tool in your mental health tool box. Perspective change sounds nice while you’re in a mentally good place, it’s a lot harder to implement when it seems like your world is crashing around you. Perspective change is a practice. Practice it by proactively looking for the good in your life and before you know it, you’ll be able to start seeing the world differently. Things happen for you, not to you. For example, even if you hate your job there’s still skills you can build while you save money or search for another one.
B. You can physically leave at any time. If you’re in a relationship you don’t like, a job you hate, or a house with toxic neighbors, you can leave. Some might say it’s not that simple, au contraire, it is. You are under no obligation to stay in a situation that is no longer serving you. Actions do have consequences, so make sure you’ve fully processed and vetted the implications of your actions. But there are many ways to make money, there are countless options available to you
Change your environment. Have you been in your room for 3 weeks straight? Well, you probably aren’t feeling your best. Go to the beach, the park, a store, take a walk, go on a weekend trip just because. A change of environment can do wonders.
Journal. This is great when you’re having a hard time. Word dump your feelings out on paper or in a word document on your laptop. If you don’t want anyone to see it, dump your thoughts on paper and burn it after. It’s such a symbolic release.
Keep up with your doctor’s appointments. If you’ve been feeling off mentally make sure you’re keeping up with your doctor’s visits. Get your hormone levels checked. If you have a good doctor, they’ll be able to offer you some guidance.
Phone a friend, a family member, or your therapist. Surround yourself with people who leave you feeling good and provide value to your life. Don’t put energy into relationships that leave you feeling bad. Furthermore don’t call that person in your time of need. If you don’t have anyone you can lean on when times get rough, I cannot recommend therapy enough. I have people I can rely on in my life and still find having a therapist to be vital to my mental health. Someone who listens to you and can offer objective viewpoints are important. If you have been in a spiral for a while, or find its interfering with your relationships and quality life, it’s time to seek professional help. Professionals can give you even more tools in your mental health tool box to help you process, work through and cope with negative emotions. Find a therapist you can vibe with. There is even online therapy now! If you try it out and don’t like one particular therapist, shop around until you find one you can be honest with. Seeking help for the hardships you are facing, instead of ignoring them, is the strongest thing you can possibly do.
Self–love. Love yourself through whatever you are experiencing. It doesn’t matter if you are depressed, anxious, unhappy, love yourself through it all.