Small continuous actions are what lead to monumental changes. Consistent actions towards your goals are what lead to sustainable and long term change. Although, we would all like to have a huge “ah-ha” moment where everything clicks into place, this is rarely what happens.
The moments where we feel like things are clicking are created by the 1,000 small moments that came before it. The big moments are
The holidays are a joyful time of year for many but it can also be overwhelming. It’s the season of more. Many times that’s more love, more yummy food, more warmth, more family, more rest. But it’s also more money spent, more parties to attend, more cooking to be done, more conversations to be had, more expectations you want to meet. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and drained it doesn’t mean you’re a grinch, it means you’re human. It’s normal and it happens.
If you are able to step away this holiday season without it having the adverse effect of making you more stressed once it’s time to step back in, that’s great. Keep doing that. But if you find your stepping away is creating more stress than perhaps it’s doing more harm than good. Here’s 7 tips to combat overwhelm this holiday season.
I heard a quote recently, source unknown, that resonated with me, “if I’m too much, go find less.” I’ve been told I’m too much numerous times throughout my life. That I’m too loud, too excitable, don’t know when to stop, too big, too small, too provocative, too shy, too loud, that I try too hard, that I don’t try enough. You name it, I’ve likely been too much of it.
Recently, someone commented that my dog was “too much.” Their intention was not to offend me or my dog, they thought it was a comment made in jest. However, I was triggered. I vehemently defended my dog’s honor. Telling the individual that my perfect puppy was not too much. He was, in fact, perfectly enough.
Whenever you are triggered by something, take it as an opportunity to explore that thing further. Usually, what triggers us is also what we need to heal. The truth is sometimes my dog is excitable. He’s gets hyped up when he sees the people he loves. Sometimes in his excitement he forgets his manners. He’ll jump on you with wet paws, and he loves to lick faces. And although sometimes inconvenient for others, those things are not flaws. They are part of what makes him, him. I love how his face lights up when he sees the people he loves, how his tail wags uncontrollably, how his feet dance in a happy little dance, and how he wants to get as close as possible to us when we come home. That might be seen by some people as too much, some people may not appreciate him jumping up and licking their faces. But these people simply aren’t his people. I, however, am his people. I appreciate and love every part of him. Even when he sometimes forgets his manners in his rush of excitement to see us. Even when he sometimes accidentally scratches me in his rush to say “hi, I’m so happy you’re back.”
And that’s what I wish I would have told my younger self when she was called “too much” of anything. That she was perfectly enough. That the people who didn’t see it that way, simply weren’t her people. And that is okay. That those individuals’ thoughts on her too-much-ness meant everything about them and nothing about her. They could go find less. I did not have to make myself less to keep others comfortable.
There are no enlightened beings. No one is perfectly intentional or mindful all of the time. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone occasionally acts in a way they would prefer to not act. That’s okay. That is part of the human experience. There are no enlightened beings. If you’re striving to get to a place in your journey where you will never mess up, you’ll be striving your entire life. There are just enlightened moments. Moments so beautiful they take your breath away. Moments where you surprise yourself. Moments where you are so full of love that you could cry. And that, is more than enough.
We abandon ourselves every day. We say yes when we want to say no. We eat foods low in nutrients when we want to eat healthy. We agree to stay late at work even though we’re tired. We forgo our daily routines that help us …
Have you read or seen Harry Potter? If you had the prestigious honor to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, into which house would you be sorted? Most people in my life thought I was surely a Hufflepuff. I agreed. Yes, I’m definitely a Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff isn’t entirely well represented in the Harry Potter Movies. It’s oversimply seen as being the “nice” house. One day I completed the official sorting hat experience on Pottermore-the experience created by J.K. Rowling herself. I was shockingly sorted into Ravenclaw. At first, I was stunned. But then, it made perfect sense.
Ahh yes, I thought to myself, Ravenclaw; why didn’t I know that?
Fortunately, or unfortunately, we don’t live in Hogwarts. We don’t have to be labeled as either Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. We can be both.
The sorting hat experience illustrates the point I’d like to make. I have two sides. I have many sides. I’ve never thoroughly considered it before, but I do. Our society likes labels, it likes stereotypes, and clear cut lines. If you are X, then you can’t be Y. If you are Z, you will never be T. But this isn’t how life works. There is no one size fits all. Trying to fit people into boxes created by who-knows-who only limits and harms us.
One part of me is relaxed, fluid, unnerved. Another side is serious, strong, disciplined. I’ve thought my more serious side was a façade. One I put up to protect my childlike side from scorn or ridicule. When people saw how relaxed I was, how easily I could take a joke, I was a target for those looking to boost their own self-esteem. Sometimes I would say things or act without thinking. I would randomly dance or sing. I would pick the dandelions on the softball field instead of looking to the sky for the ball. When I didn’t believe a situation called for seriousness, I wasn’t serious. It was easy for people to mistake my nonchalance for foolishness. Easy for people, who did not even know me, to tell me how I was and was not “supposed” to act. Too easy for people to tell me who I was based on a small look into my world.
As I saw how people reacted to my insouciance, my serious self took a forefront role. She would speak as an “intellectual,” find flaws in reasoning, focus on the tiresome details, pretend to care about things that weren’t vital. She would prove you wrong. This got people’s attention, this got people’s respect. It perturbs me. Because whether or not I felt the need to prove it, I was always capable. It’s unsettling when people equate simplicity with lack of intelligence. As if seriousness and competency somehow go in hand. Like the more lighthearted you are, the less capable you are. This is a falsity. Fluidity allows you to bypass drama and focus on what actually matters. It prevents you from getting caught up in semantics and to focus on the things that will move the dial. But I was young and the people I was surrounded by didn’t understand their assumptions were wrong. Growing up I was given the message by my peers that girls acting “spacy” = stupid girl. Girl acting serious = smart girl. Whoever determined these stereotypes was obviously incorrect. My serious and lighthearted side was also always there, with the exact same level of intelligence and the exact same level of competency. Coexisting. Letting the situation dictate which took the lead.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to harness the power that comes with the ability to be many. I’ve found power in my ability to be seemly different people while knowing they are all entirely one and the same. When I first meet people at social gatherings, I let them form their own opinions. If my relaxed and spirited demeanor lead them to believe I am foolish or easily manipulated then so be it. I love to see the look on their faces when they realize they’re wrong. Just as I love when others see there is more to me than book smarts, learned understanding of corporate dialect, and finding the flaws with arguments.
I’ve had times when I thought I was a Wolf with a Sheep’s heart, and times I thought I was a Sheep with Wolves’ resolve. But that’s not accurate. I do not just pretend to be a either a Wolf or a Sheep. And those stereotypes are not fair. Sheep are strong. Wolves are loving. I am neither a Wolf or a Sheep. I am a Wolf and a Sheep. And why limit ourselves to the Sheep or the Wolf, why not be the entire damn forest.
How to be confident. Everyone wants to be confident. We know the tips and tricks to make us appear confident; look people in the eyes, use a firm handshake (pre-Covid), don’t apologize, take “um” out of your vocabulary, speak slowly, keep your shoulders back, your …
Humans have a hard time admitting we play a part in the problems we’re experiencing. Our egos get in the way. The problems could be anything. Ranging from trouble sticking to healthy habits and going after personal goals, to problems in relationships with others. It’s …
Our society’s view on negative emotions is skewed, negative emotions have been given a bad rap. We haven’t been taught how vital negative emotions are to human growth. They help guide us live satisfying lives aligned with our core values. They need to be felt but we’re often afraid of them and try to push them away. We chase highs so we do not have to feel “bad.” Negative emotions tell us when we need to make a change, when we need to pay attention, when something is not vibing with who we really are.
While appreciating what negative emotions add to our lives, we can simultaneously recognize that no one likes feeling bad for too long . We don’t want negative emotions to control us. We want to be able to process them, understand them and move on with our lives. When I’m unable to process understand and move on, when I’m unable to pull myself out of the mud, I call it a spiral.
Two points: First, sometimes you need to extend yourself some grace and take a break. I am an advocate for taking a break whenever you need it. Call out of work, curl into a ball with your favorite fuzzy blanket, watch some feel good TV! Embrace the spiral, embrace the suck. These hacks are for when you’re done with the negativity and want to get your life back on track. Second, these hacks are not supposed to prevent you from feeling negative emotions. It’s important not to block or numb negative emotions, but to really feel them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling bad. There is nothing wrong with life becoming overwhelming.
I wrote a previous blog post about measures you can take when you’re feeling good to help keep yourself feeling good. Click on How to keep your mental health, healthy for that post. Sometimes no matter how in tune we are with our body, no matter how many preventative measures we take, how much water we drink, how positive our affirmations are, we still get stuck in the spiral. Sometimes we have to wait these storms out. We have to dive deep when the waves come crashing down. But, here are some steps you can take when you’re in the storm to make the waves smaller.
These are tips and tricks that have worked for me personally. I am not a doctor. Nor am I a mental health professional. If your symptoms are becoming unmanageable you should contact your doctor and a mental health professional. Getting help is the strongest thing you can do. Therapy is life changing.
Sometimes life gets heavy. “Negative emotions” get strong and prevent us from feeling like ourselves. I put negative emotions in quotations because I think they’ve been given the short end of the stick. Negative emotions are vital to human growth and development. They communicate things …
