Challenge: make a list of the times you have felt genuinely happy or at peace. This list will remind you that your happiness never came from things looking seemingly perfect on the outside. Your happiness came from being present and open and connected to yourself …
And that’s what I wish I would have told my younger self when she was called “too much” of anything. That she was perfectly enough. That the people who didn’t see it that way, simply weren’t her people. And that is okay. That those individuals’ thoughts on her too-much-ness meant everything about them and nothing about her. They could go find less. I did not have to make myself less to keep others comfortable.
When I confided in people that I felt stressed, burnt out, or tired, I was often met with responses similar to “me too” or “get in line.” Even better was the person who felt the need to prove they were more stressed than I was. As if stress was a badge of honor to be worn proudly. These responses lead me to believe that stress was a normal part of life. That if I was stressed, I was doing something right. That it somehow proved that I was working hard enough. I believed I would have to come to terms with living in a state of constant stress. But this didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel natural.
Evolutionarily stress was a great survival technique because it notified our ancestors when a situation wasn’t right. It told our bodies when we needed to fight or flee a threat. It made sure our ancestors knew when the stakes were high, when a loss would be detrimental. If a sabretooth tiger visited the cave they were hunkered down in night after night, the stress from the encounters would propel them to leave the unsafe situation. It would drive them to seek new shelter. We aren’t meant to stay in situations that cause us stress day after day. We evolved to listen to stress when it arose and to then adjust our lives accordingly. We wouldn’t say to our fellow cave folk, “Yeah it sucks the predator keeps coming to your house, but that’s just a part of life” we’d say “move your house!” I’m dramatizing the caveperson/sabretooth tiger visual but I think you get the idea. We wouldn’t justify the stress of the tiger as part of working hard and “making it” in our prehistoric world. We wouldn’t stay in that cave day after day, feeling unwell, until the big cat ate us. So, why are we encouraging people we love to stay in jobs, relationships, commutes, environments that are causing constant stress?
We, as a society, have normalized stress. We’ve integrated it into our daily lives. Accepted it as something we have to deal with. We’ve let it become the status quo. There are individuals whose entire personality could be summed up as stressed.
It’s not healthy to consistently feel like we have to fight or flee. Long term stress is toxic for our bodies, a quick internet search confirms this. Chronic stress negatively affects our immune, digestive, cardiovascular, sleep and reproductive systems. This makes sense. When we were running from the saber toothed tiger on the great plains, we wanted all of our bodies energy to go into running. All of our energy went into surviving. It didn’t matter if our sleep would be affected that night because we were just trying to survive that minute. Our bodies weren’t concerned with digesting our foods or balancing our hormones.
We aren’t our ancestors. Thankfully we are no longer fighting predators every day. We aren’t using all of our energy to merely stay alive. Now we’re trying to promote long term health and happiness. Chronic stress is not conducive to our longevity. So, we have to teach our mind to signal to our bodies that every stress inducing moment we encounter isn’t going to immediately cause us harm. We have to adjust our perspectives. We need to tell our bodies that they can relax.
When you start feeling stressed, take a step back from whatever it is you’re doing. Pause, breathe, go for a walk, go outside, meditate, calm your nervous system. Whatever is causing you stress can wait until you’re able to shift your mindset away from a fight or flight response. Reassure your body and your mind that this situation isn’t going to kill you. That you are perfectly capable of handling it. It’s hard to shift your mindset at first. To retrain how your body and mind react to stressors in your life. But it’s entirely possible. It’s a skill that you can practice and hone in on and use whenever you may need it. Whenever life gets heavy.
If you find yourself unable to get away from constant stress in your life, believe me I’ve been there! No matter what your life currently looks like, a more relaxed life filled with joy is within your reach. Schedule a coaching session with me! We will use the method I worked through myself to identify and work through the difficulties you are facing! A life with less stress is one click away!
Our society’s view on negative emotions is skewed, negative emotions have been given a bad rap. We haven’t been taught how vital negative emotions are to human growth. They help guide us live satisfying lives aligned with our core values. They need to be felt …
Sometimes life gets heavy. “Negative emotions” get strong and prevent us from feeling like ourselves. I put negative emotions in quotations because I think they’ve been given the short end of the stick. Negative emotions are vital to human growth and development. They communicate things …
