Tag: life coaching with lyss

All Emotions are Valid and That Doesn’t Mean They Should Dictate Your Actions

All Emotions are Valid and That Doesn’t Mean They Should Dictate Your Actions

There are no wrong emotions, they all are valid. We cannot control how we feel about circumstances or events. Your truth is your truth. The initial feelings you have in response to events are always okay.
What you can control is how you choose to react and respond even when emotions are heightened. Just because your feelings and emotions are valid, doesn’t mean they give you an excuse to behave however you want. It’s important to keep in mind that your initial emotions do not consider many factors you’d prefer to consider when thinking with a rational mind and not one overcome with strong feelings. Your emotions do not consider your goals, the relationships you’d like to keep, or the work you’ve put in thus far.

How to Fill Your Self-Care Cup Even with a Busy Schedule

How to Fill Your Self-Care Cup Even with a Busy Schedule

A strong and intentional morning routine is the key to a great day. It’s great to make your morning routine a priority, but the truth is we don’t always have hours to dedicate to it. Sometimes we sleep in, sometimes we have somewhere to be earlier than usual, sometimes we simply don’t have the time. There are a million different reasons. What will set you up for a great day, even when you don’t have much time to devote to yourself, is having a set of non-negotiables. These non-negotiables are activities that you know will help you have the best day that you can.
Before you open yourself up to the outside world and influence, do something for your mind, your body, and your soul. Develop quick practices you can do in each category as your non-negotiables.

Be Purposefully Happy

Be Purposefully Happy

I recently saw a quote on a social platform about being purposefully happy. It highlighted an aspect of life that I think many people don’t pay attention to, that happiness requires an intention to be happy. Sometimes we do happen upon happiness. There are times in life when the circumstances are just right, the pieces feel like they’ve come together, and happiness hits us. These are unexpected joyful moments, cheerful milestones, or hard work that finally pays off. This happiness is the exception, not the rule. Most happiness isn’t something we stumble upon. Most of life isn’t celebrations like meeting the love of our life, adopting a puppy, or getting a promotion at work.

Most of life happens in the daily to-do lists, in the ordinary normalcy of living. You don’t want to live for the big happy moments, because those moments don’t come around every day. Finding happiness in your daily life is key. Determining how to find happiness in the day set out in front of you is a worthy endeavor. This is when being purposefully happy becomes important. Savor the taste of your coffee in the morning, enjoy the feeling of changing seasons, find joy in putting your children to bed every night. Be intentional about creating a life where you find happiness in the normalcy.
Remember that happiness doesn’t equal easy. Often happiness comes after doing the hard things, after working for it, fighting for it, after creating new patterns to allow it. It comes from taking the time and effort to determine what makes you genuinely happy. From changing your routines and making different choices. Happiness is recognizing that things aren’t perfect and being happy anyway. Happiness comes from being content with where you are instead of needing more. It’s an awareness of all that can be done and being content with what was done already.

Sometimes happiness hits you, but most of the time it’s a choice you make. It’s something you have to purposefully create not happen upon. Becoming aware of this and intentionally creating happiness in the normalcy is where sustainable happiness lies.

Don’t live a life governed by your emotions

Don’t live a life governed by your emotions

“We cannot live being governed by how we feel. Our emotions are temporary and not always reflective of reality.” –Brianna Wiest in her book the: The Mountain is You. We’ve all been there. We feel strong emotions and want to react. But is that always 

Meeting Your Needs

Meeting Your Needs

At the end of the day the only person responsible for your life, for your happiness, and your wellbeing is you. So, get comfortable meeting your needs. That doesn’t mean you have to handle everything yourself. It also doesn’t mean you can’t rely on others to meet your needs. What it does mean is it is your responsibility to reach out to others and tell them what you need. It means it’s up to you to identify when situations are and are not working for you. It’s up to you to build support systems for yourself and to respond when your needs are not being met. It’s up to you to show up for yourself.

How to Create a Bad Mood Tool Box

How to Create a Bad Mood Tool Box

We’re all intimately familiar with what it’s like to be in a bad mood. Sometimes there is a reason for it, other times you simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed. There are times bad moods need to be felt. Where you need to take a day to take it easy or process the reasoning behind your mood. There are other times you recognize you’re in a bad mood, you recognize that you don’t want to be in one but you can’t get out of it. The bad mood becomes a dense cloud you want to navigate out of, but every turn is met with fog.

Just as pilots plot their routes before take-off and have a GPS to help them navigate if the weather turns, you too can plot a way out of your bad mood before it happens. Create a bad mood tool box that contains a list of things you can run through to help you navigate your way out of the bad mood cloud and back to enjoying life. This bad mood tool box will be your guide back to inner peace.

What you add to your tool box is up to you. It takes trial and error to see what will work. When you find something you enjoy, or that elevates you, add it to your bad mood list. This way, when you’re in the middle of the bad mood cloud you don’t have to spend energy thinking through what will help you. You can simply run through your pre-created list. If you have negative coping habits, you can place the list somewhere near those things so when you’re tempted to turn to them, you have other options. Here are some tools that many of my clients have found to be helpful:

  1. A walk. Take a walk out in nature. Notice the weather, the plants, the animals you see as you walk. Put your phone away and breathe the fresh air. Nature is healing.
  2. Ground Yourself. Put your bare feet on the ground. Feel the grass, the snow, the rain, or the warmth under your feet. Reconnect with the earth.
  3. A Podcast. Listen to a podcast. It can be an inspirational one or simply one you find interesting. Immerse yourself in what is being talked about. This break from your own thoughts can be just want you need to help elevate you out of the bad mood. Some of my favorite podcasts are the Skinny Confidential His & Her podcast, Glennon Doyle’s podcast: We Can Do Hard Things, Gabby Bernstein’s podcast: Dear Gabby, and the Rachel Hollis podcast.
  4. A Videogame. Play your favorite video game! This is another great tool that can give you a break from your thoughts. This break can be just what you need to regroup and break the bad mood.
  5. Change of Scenery: Changing your scenery or your daily routine can help you switch your perspective. Removing yourself from your day to day routine helps you realize that there are bigger things at work and the universe doesn’t center around you and your problems. Reaffirming that life goes on and the world keeps spinning, even when it all seems to be crumbing down, can be comforting when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
  6. Create a Good Things Photo Album: Create a photo album in your phone with all the things you encounter that bring you joy. When a bad moods arises pull it out and look at all the things in your life that you love. Learn more about a good things photo album here. 
  7. Hydrate. When everything seems complicated, impossible, and horrible, ask yourself how much water you’ve had that day. Sometimes it just as simple as you’re not able to deal with the hard thing’s life is throwing at you because the only thing you’ve had to drink all day is iced coffee. Water is key, it might not be that simple, but sometimes it is.
  8. Nutrition: When was the last time you had a fruit, vegetable, and protein? It’s unfair to ask our bodies and minds to perform at 100% when we aren’t feeding them the nutrients they need to thrive. When you feed your body a wide variety of nutrient dense foods it will have the fuel it needs to perform at its best. Your body will let you know when it isn’t getting what it needs, sometimes that manifests in a bad mood.
  9. Meditation. Meditation is great for so many things. It reconnects you with yourself, your true self without all the outside noise. It’s also a practice of taking control of your thoughts. Having control over your thoughts is game changing.
  10. Gratitude Practice. Where you place your focus is the reality you create. If you are focusing on everything going wrong, your reality is that everything is wrong. If you place your focus on the things going right, your reality is that everything is right. By consistently engaging in a gratitude practice, you can train your brain to focus on the positives. This is a game changer for increasing your satisfaction and enjoyment with life.

You may get to the bottom of your list and find you’re still in the bad mood cloud. If nothing works—do nothing. Sometimes the only thing you can do is hunker down and wait for the fog to lift. Sleep it off, and find comfort in the fact that nothing lasts forever, the storm will lift and you can make it through. Brené Brown is an American Researcher who studies human emotions. In her talks, she speaks of overwhelm. Bad moods can sometimes build to the level of becoming overwhelming. When it seems like nothing is going right, you cannot communicate with others or yourself the way you usually would, or if tasks that are normally doable become unmanageable, it’s a sign your bad mood is transforming into overwhelm. Overwhelm transcends the feelings of being stressed or annoyed. Overwhelm means you cannot process the events in your life at the speed they are happening. Your internal systems are overloaded. When this happens, Brown confirms the best thing to do is nothing. Don’t drive, don’t make important decisions, don’t work, don’t cook dinner, or clean. Your nervous system needs time to calm down. When in an overwhelming bad mood, the best thing to do is hunker down, breathe, and wait for the clouds to pass. If you find your mood lasting for days and greatly interfering in your quality of life, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. Therapy and coaching are life changing. Always remember, you’ve got this.

Create a Good Things Photo Album

Create a Good Things Photo Album

This practice is a game changer. Creating a place where you can look at things that bring you joy is a simple and effective way to bring your focus out of the things that are wrong and into all the things that are going right. 

A gentle reminder to focus on the good

A gentle reminder to focus on the good

It’s a great day to focus on all the things going right in your life ☀️ Your mind likes to draw your focus to what’s wrong/to do lists/what’s missing but you can change this. Focus on the good. Ruminate on the good. Think about everything 

Rock and a hard place

Rock and a hard place

Do you feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place? Is something causing you frustration and you don’t know what to do about it? Have you searched and thought but still can’t find the right answer? If you thought through every angle, tried every approach, and you are still no closer to a “solution” maybe there isn’t one.

You can’t fix everything. You don’t have to fix everything. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Regain your joy by leaning into the aspects of your life that share and promote love. Choose to give others and/or yourself the benefit of the doubt. Believe it will work out the way it’s supposed to. The friction you feel is fear. Fear in being unable to control a situation, uncertain of the plan, unsure of how it’s going to work out. The truth is no matter how much you plan, you can never fully control situations outside of yourself.

Choose love over fear. Put your energy into people, events, and situations that bring you joy. Use moments of discomfort as opportunities for growth and  learning. Choose not to let the uncertain aspects of your life steal joy from the good aspects. When choosing love, when acting through love, you can’t go wrong.

There are caveats to this approach. There is a difference between life events like being in disagreements with friends and processing the trauma of a loved ones passing. There will be times when you may not be able to choose joy for a while and that’s okay. Everyone processes differently and life can be heartbreaking. Remember, even if you are going through some of the most difficult times of your life, it won’t be like this forever. You can find joy again even if right now you cannot possibly see how.

What is Your Best?

What is Your Best?

Do your best. We hear this statement often. And what does it mean? Feeling you did your best should enable you to go to sleep at night feeling fulfilled and satisfied with the activities you engaged in that day. Wanting to do your best encourages you to put forth the effort needed to meet your goals. How do you define your best? The answer depends on your individual goals and gets harder to navigate the more you look outside yourself for the meaning.