Neither Either or, but Both And
Have you read or seen Harry Potter? If you had the prestigious honor to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, into which house would you be sorted? Most people in my life thought I was surely a Hufflepuff. I agreed. Yes, I’m definitely a Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff isn’t entirely well represented in the Harry Potter Movies. It’s oversimply seen as being the “nice” house. One day I completed the official sorting hat experience on Pottermore-the experience created by J.K. Rowling herself. I was shockingly sorted into Ravenclaw. At first, I was stunned. But then, it made perfect sense.
Ahh yes, I thought to myself, Ravenclaw; why didn’t I know that?
Fortunately, or unfortunately, we don’t live in Hogwarts. We don’t have to be labeled as either Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. We can be both.
The sorting hat experience illustrates the point I’d like to make. I have two sides. I have many sides. I’ve never thoroughly considered it before, but I do. Our society likes labels, it likes stereotypes, and clear cut lines. If you are X, then you can’t be Y. If you are Z, you will never be T. But this isn’t how life works. There is no one size fits all. Trying to fit people into boxes created by who-knows-who only limits and harms us.
One part of me is relaxed, fluid, unnerved. Another side is serious, strong, disciplined. I’ve thought my more serious side was a façade. One I put up to protect my childlike side from scorn or ridicule. When people saw how relaxed I was, how easily I could take a joke, I was a target for those looking to boost their own self-esteem. Sometimes I would say things or act without thinking. I would randomly dance or sing. I would pick the dandelions on the softball field instead of looking to the sky for the ball. When I didn’t believe a situation called for seriousness, I wasn’t serious. It was easy for people to mistake my nonchalance for foolishness. Easy for people, who did not even know me, to tell me how I was and was not “supposed” to act. Too easy for people to tell me who I was based on a small look into my world.
As I saw how people reacted to my insouciance, my serious self took a forefront role. She would speak as an “intellectual,” find flaws in reasoning, focus on the tiresome details, pretend to care about things that weren’t vital. She would prove you wrong. This got people’s attention, this got people’s respect. It perturbs me. Because whether or not I felt the need to prove it, I was always capable. It’s unsettling when people equate simplicity with lack of intelligence. As if seriousness and competency somehow go in hand. Like the more lighthearted you are, the less capable you are. This is a falsity. Fluidity allows you to bypass drama and focus on what actually matters. It prevents you from getting caught up in semantics and to focus on the things that will move the dial. But I was young and the people I was surrounded by didn’t understand their assumptions were wrong. Growing up I was given the message by my peers that girls acting “spacy” = stupid girl. Girl acting serious = smart girl. Whoever determined these stereotypes was obviously incorrect. My serious and lighthearted side was also always there, with the exact same level of intelligence and the exact same level of competency. Coexisting. Letting the situation dictate which took the lead.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to harness the power that comes with the ability to be many. I’ve found power in my ability to be seemly different people while knowing they are all entirely one and the same. When I first meet people at social gatherings, I let them form their own opinions. If my relaxed and spirited demeanor lead them to believe I am foolish or easily manipulated then so be it. I love to see the look on their faces when they realize they’re wrong. Just as I love when others see there is more to me than book smarts, learned understanding of corporate dialect, and finding the flaws with arguments.
I’ve had times when I thought I was a Wolf with a Sheep’s heart, and times I thought I was a Sheep with Wolves’ resolve. But that’s not accurate. I do not just pretend to be a either a Wolf or a Sheep. And those stereotypes are not fair. Sheep are strong. Wolves are loving. I am neither a Wolf or a Sheep. I am a Wolf and a Sheep. And why limit ourselves to the Sheep or the Wolf, why not be the entire damn forest.