How To Protect Your Peace This Holiday Season

The holidays are a time of gathering. There are parties and more interactions with family and friends. It is a time of joy, excitement, and reconnection with loved ones. For many, the holidays can also come with their fair share of stressors. Keep stress levels down by protecting your peace of mind. Here are 4 tips for protecting your peace this holiday season:

1. Give yourself permission. When gathering with individuals you haven’t seen in a while or don’t regularly interact with, it can be hard to find things to talk about. Due to this many people ask about topics they feel like can relate with you about. Often that’s built around what society’s expectations are for you at your age or where you are in life. That’s when you find aunts asking about their nieces’ love lives, grandparents asking newly married couples when they’re going to have babies, friends asking couples who have been together for a while when they’re going to get married, or high school students being asked what their college plans are. Usually, these questions aren’t meant to be rude or anxiety producing. But they can have that effect nonetheless. I have been guilty of defaulting to these types of questions in the past. For people attempting to enjoy where they currently are without rushing to the next thing, for those not operating by society’s status quo, or for those feeling pressured to move to the “next chapter” these questions can be dreaded at gatherings. When presented with topics like this that are impacting your peace you have options. You can set a boundary with the other party and tell them that the topic is not open for conversation. Or, you can release the meanings you’re attaching to these questions. Don’t let remarks or inquiries about how you’re living your life or what your future plans are mean anything about you. Look for permission from within instead of seeking validation outside of yourself. Get honest with yourself about if you are happy with the way you are living your life. Get curious about why other people’s remarks bother you so much. If you’re unhappy with how you’re living, brainstorm actions you can take to implement change. If you’re happy with how you’re living, ground yourself in that happiness. Let your guide be your own internal feedback, not the feedback you get from others.
2. Remove yourself. You don’t always need to expressly set a boundary or explain to others why their actions or words are hurtful. Engaging can be exhausting. You can simply remove yourself or take a break. If you feel yourself getting anxious or feeling drained, step outside for some air, volunteer to go to the store for groceries, go for a walk, or simply leave.
3. Set a boundary. When questioned, tell people you’re taking this time to relax and disconnect. Communicate that you don’t want to talk about the next thing and that you simply want to enjoy the present moment with the people you love.
4. Perform a cost benefit analysis. If you’ve set boundaries and they’re repeatedly crossed, if you don’t feel like you’ll be given the space to get some air, if you aren’t at a stage in your journey where you can give yourself permission to be okay with where you are and brush off other people’s comments, then examine if going to these gatherings will be worth it. What will be the cost of going? What will be the reward? Is it worth it for you on a personal level to attend? How will you leave feeling? Will your cup be filled or drained? Evaluate on a case by case basis. If you choose to go, remind yourself that you don’t have to attend. You’re making an intentional and thought out choice to attend. This reframe will take your power back and remind you that you are in control of your life.

For individualize help with anyone of these steps, email me for coaching at lunchroomlitigation@gmail.com or click this link to learn more about coaching! Happy Holidays!