Blink

We all have plans and goals. Aspirations we wish to obtain. A dream is the first step to any great success story. Implementing systems to work towards those dreams is how we make progress. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. No matter what metaphor you use, it doesn’t change the fact that it can take time for us to bring our dreams to fruition.

The problem is, we think we have time. We all think we have time to accomplish the things we want to accomplish. Time to become the people we want to be. However, tomorrow is not promised. It can all be over in the blink of an eye. Our strong bodies, that we hone and that we strengthen can be easily turned flimsy and weak. Years of running, of lifting weights, of building ourselves up can be easily rendered useless due to an accident. An accident.

I was in a car accident recently. I’m fine, no one was killed. All parties involved thankfully still have their minds and bodies. But one moment I was coming home from a joyful walk on the beach after a great session at the gym and the next moment my body was being uncontrollably thrown around the cabin of a car. Due to an accident. Because another driver made a mistake. Due to the decision of another, my body was thrown around like a ragdoll. That is insane to me.

After the accident, after we’d come home from the hospital, I was laying on a heating pad and reflecting. Feeling angry that a horrible series of events were thrown on me. But more than anything feeling grateful that I was here, that I was alive, that I was safe. My brother asked me if I remembered what I was thinking when the accident happened. And I did. In those split seconds all I could think was how flimsy my body was, how crazy it was that I was being thrown around the way that I was, how utterly insane it was that I couldn’t control my body.

I’m a strong women. My body is strong. I push it to limits for fun and to grow it stronger. I ride thousand pound horses, I walk rumbustious 80 pound dogs, I lift weights, I run to the point of exhaustion, I hike huge mountains. All with ease. My body is not weak, my body has competently taken me far. Yet none of it mattered. Compared to the energy of two colliding vehicles, my body was so weak. During the collision it might as well of been the same as the stray pen being thrown around the car cabin.

Immediately after the accident I checked myself. I ran my hands over my body. Felt my head and neck. They had taken a hard impacted by the airbags. I hoped there was no internal damage. I was in awe of everything that my body had gone through. In awe that I could do nothing to stop it. I was mad. Angry that the collision could have been an end. I knew I had so much more I needed to do. I wasn’t done living. I had more to offer this world.

I’ve known this for a while. I’ve known I have more I want to do, people I want to help, ideas I want to put into the world. That there is more has been the idea of a flame growing in my head. But now its roaring. Nothing else mattered for me after the accident. Not the 9-5, not the insurance benefits, not the time spent in the office.

What did matter came down to two things. One was the people I love, that they knew I loved them. I’ve done a good job of that. I’m happy with where my relationships are. They are not always perfect but they are honest, and they are love.

Second was my life’s work. That was another story. Yes, I’ve been adding tinder to the flame. I’ve been consistently working towards my goals. But I’ve been working with the ideology that small consistent steps over the course of time will equal huge results. And this is true. But what became apparent to me is time isn’t guaranteed. Was I really doing all that I could to make my dreams come true? Was I using small consistent steps to keep me on track or was I using it as an excuse to keep me small? Small consistent steps in the right direction is key, it motivates and builds confidence. But at some point, you have to take the leap, don’t you? Overtime, small steps can become a crutch- a reassurance that as long as you are taking small steps in the right direction you’re doing enough. When you first start out small steps keep things manageable, allows you to stay consistent. But once you have the small steps down, you need to take big step. Stop playing small and play big. To grow a fire huge, you need add more than one branch a day. At some point, you have to let the fire in your soul burn. You have to stop keeping that fire small and containable, you have to let it burn and light the whole world. And that’s what I’ve taken away from that one moment. From one accident, one mistake, a blink of time. I have to stop playing safe, have to stop playing small. When my time in this body is up, I want to know that I threw everything I could into my dreams. I want to know that I didn’t let doubt scare me into playing it safe. I want to know I didn’t settle. That I didn‘t continually put off my dreams for one day in the future. Because in blink of an eye all my opportunities could be gone, my time could be up.