I have a blog post about how to be confident, I’ll link that post here. You can practice confidence. It is entirely possible to make yourself more confident. But what do you do when you don’t have time to build your confidence before doing something? …
How do you make your life feel less chaotic? How do you take steps towards your goals instead of merely treading water to make it through the day? You do it by running your day instead of letting your day run you. By intentionally and mindfully completing projects instead of reacting to every stimulus thrown your way.
Having a desire to succeed is a great first step toward achieving your goals. But desire is only the first step. Desire alone isn’t going to make your goals come to fruition. After you’ve determined what your goal is, you then have to implement systems to achieve it. We’ve all heard the saying that failing to plan is planning to fail. I know from experience this is true. Implementing systems helps ensure success. Different systems work for different people. What works for some doesn’t work for others. What works best for you comes down to trial and error. Try consistently implementing some of the systems below and see what works. Remember, just because something is hard doesn’t mean the system doesn’t work. Working towards goals can be hard. Doing things you haven’t done before can be hard. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean you should quit. You won’t always be motivated or inspired to put in the work. When motivation and inspiration allude you, discipline and the systems you’ve implemented come into play. You have to make the choice that you want something and then be willing to put in the work to achieve it. Below are 9 systems that work for me. Try them out and see if they work for you! Some of these ideas come from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, I highly recommend giving it a read!
Have you read or seen Harry Potter? If you had the prestigious honor to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, into which house would you be sorted? Most people in my life thought I was surely a Hufflepuff. I agreed. Yes, I’m definitely a …
Coconut Oil & People Have you heard Lizzo’s song Coconut oil? It’s chill vibes, give it a listen. I personally use coconut oil for many things. I’ll use it as a moisturizer, I’ll put some in my hair as a hair mask, I’ll use it …
When I first heard the concept of “staying present” I didn’t fully understand what people were talking about. I thought: “What is the hype about? Of course, I’m present. I’m experiencing this moment. There is no other option but to be experiencing this moment. How could I be anything but present?” Presence seemed so simple. So, I thought I understood what people were talking about. I felt this way for a few years to be honest. Not understanding what was meant by staying present, but not understanding that I didn’t understand. For an exaggerated example, I can equate the ignorance to when I first got a car with Apple Car play. My fiancé and sister always talked on about how great Apple Car Play was. I saw them use it, I understood how it could be beneficial. But not until I actually had it in my own car and regularly experienced it did I understand how much it upgraded my driving experience. To have podcasts, directions and phone calls on the same screen. Text messages read out loud, the ability to speak back my responses. No more blue tooth malfunctions. Everything flowed seamlessly. But until I had it, I did not know what I was missing. I thought my bluetooth and aux cord connections served my purposes just fine. Just as I thought my level of presence in my pre-pandemic life was just fine. I had nothing else to compare it to. But now, just as I won’t be going back to an Apple-Car-Play-less car, I will not be going back to a less than fully present life. Staying present is hard. It felt very abstract, very vague. I understood my mind wandered. I could admit that sometimes my thoughts went somewhere else, but I thought I was still experiencing the moment. I was still physically there.
Then, a global pandemic hit. I had more time on my hands. I choose to use that time in self-reflection and to learn a few things (I also choose to use it to binge watch Gilmore Girls and Grace & Frankie but I digress). I no longer had to wake up and drive to work, didn’t have to plan what I was having for lunch and dinner every day of the week, plan when I would get my work outs in, when the laundry needed to be done. I had more time. I meditated. I learned to focus on my breathing. I learned how to bring my mind back to the present moment when it would start to wonder. And gradually, I began to notice a difference.
I was fully present in moments that I had never been before. When the world slowed down so did I. I was more focused on the here and the now. I wasn’t worried about what I should be doing, what I needed to get done. As a result, I was focused on what was happening. I wasn’t distracted, my energy was fully invested in the present moment. Because of this deepened level of presence, I was able to notice things I didn’t usually notice. The magnolia trees were more beautiful when they bloomed, my reaction to stressors was more reflective than reactive, others laughter brought me authentic joy. I saw how beautiful the sun’s rays are when they hit the leaves at sunset. I felt how much happier the birds are when the weather warms up, how lovely the warmth of a fire is on my bare skin when it’s snowing outside. During pre-pandemic life these things were all happening around me. I was experiencing them, I was there, hearing the sounds and feeling the feelings. But when I was really present, when my mind was truly only focused on the here and now it all resonated in me differently. There was more joy in the everyday. I experienced greater fulfillment and greater pleasure.
Now, as courts open back up, as businesses struggle to make up for lost time, as traffic rebuilds, as we add more to our calendars, it’s getting harder and harder to stay present. Our weekends are starting to fill with baby showers, weddings, graduations, wine nights, game nights, extended family dinners, networking events at work. The list of family and friends asking to see us is getting longer. Our energy is being demanded from others again and it is hard to say no. It’s lovely to be loved and valued by people who want to spend time with us. But it’s getting harder and harder to hold on to the perspective gained during quarantine. Harder to keep our energy for ourselves and as a result harder to save energy to devote to being present.
Spring comes, the trees flower. The magnolia trees look beautiful on the way to work but they aren’t hitting quite the same as when I could really stop and stare at them. When I could watch the birds fly from branch to branch. When I could marvel at the beauty of this world without having to rush to the next thing on my agenda for the day.
As things pick back up, as there is more traffic, more social gatherings, more work to get done, as there is more & more, how do we prioritize presence? How do we prioritize presence as we navigate this new normal? I’m going to make a conscious effort to save some of my precious energy for me. To not give it all away. Not to feel obligated to RSVP yes to every invitation that arrives at my house, to not feel obligated to pick up whenever the phone rings, to not respond to an email as soon as it reaches my inbox. I’m going to save some energy for me, carve out time in my calendar for me & me alone. So that when the sun sets and her rays hit the willow tree’s leaves, I have the energy to make myself stop and immerse myself in that moment. To consider nothing else but the beauty in our world.
*Find yourself struggling to adjust to post-lockdown life? You’re not alone. Email me at lunchroomlitigation.com and sign up for Life Coaching with me. Life is hard, but I can help make it feel less heavy.
Read more about how to stay present here: 9 Ways to Stay Present
Being present means being fully invested in the present moment. I understand defining a word with the same word isn’t entirely useful. Some examples might help. Presence means you’re not thinking about the time you choked up during your middle school play nor are you …
How to be confident. Everyone wants to be confident. We know the tips and tricks to make us appear confident; look people in the eyes, use a firm handshake (pre-Covid), don’t apologize, take “um” out of your vocabulary, speak slowly, keep your shoulders back, your …
Humans have a hard time admitting we play a part in the problems we’re experiencing. Our egos get in the way. The problems could be anything. Ranging from trouble sticking to healthy habits and going after personal goals, to problems in relationships with others. It’s easy to put the blame on someone else. To find the faults in others. It’s harder to realize and acknowledge we are part of the problem. Sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we are the person whose judgment is clouded. Sometimes we are unable to see a situation objectively.
It’s easy to list reasons why external circumstances get in the way of achieving something. Your kids needed your attention so you couldn’t workout, your boyfriend made you sad so you couldn’t study. But the truth is, you’re an adult. The only person in control of what you do is you. You are the only person who can make arrangements and put systems into place to make sure you succeed in your goals.
Others can’t control your reactions to external circumstances, only you can do that. You choose to let yourself become upset over other’s actions, over the news, over your boss’ critiques. You don’t have to attach emotions and react to every situation you encounter. Circumstances are neutral, we are the ones who attach meaning and emotions to them. You can take control of a situation. You can assure nothing gets in the way of what you set out to do.
The same goes for personal relationships. Relationships are a two way street. If you’re constantly having fights with your mother, look at the possibility that maybe you have something to do with that. If you and your partner are constantly arguing over your partner not helping with household chores, look at the part you may be playing in that. Be honest with yourself. How are you approaching these topics? Are you defensive? Are you overly critical? Do you jump to anger? We can control how our interactions with other people go. And we can control the emotions and meanings we attach to those interactions. Our partner doesn’t make us upset; we choose to become upset. We take the neutral circumstances of our partner not helping with household chores and attach meaning and emotion to it. This realization takes a level of honesty with yourself that is hard at first. No one wants to blame themselves. Yes, our feelings and emotions are valid but circumstances are neutral until we give them meaning. And sometimes the meaning we attach to neutral circumstances are not serving our higher good.
No one wants to see themselves as part of the problem. But this is our life. If something is causing us to be unhappy, we one hundred percent play a role in that. Take solace in the fact that we always have the power and control to make a change.
Feeling Stressed? When I confided in people that I felt stressed, burnt out, or tired, I was often met with responses similar to “me too” or “get in line.” Even better was the person who felt the need to prove they were more stressed than …
