Ego work is tricky. There are numerous trains of thought around the topic. There are people who have no idea what an ego is or how it plays out in their lives. This is dangerous. It’s hard to work with something if you do not even know it’s at play. Some want to overcome their egos. But this puts you at odds with a part of yourself. I used to think like this. I used to have no idea what an ego was or how and why it was functioning. If I felt threatened or hurt, I’d be consumed with anger and resentment. I’d do everything I could to keep the people or things trying to hurt me at bay. Once I learned what my ego was, I tried not to let it rule the show or make the decisions, I wanted to be “better” than my ego. The irony of this egotistical statement is not lost on me.  

But then I had a breakthrough. I realized my ego wasn’t trying to ruin my life. It was not a “bad” thing. It’s a part of myself trying to protect me in the simplest way I know how. Our egos are built in protection. They are devices of love, not something to resent or beat into submission.

I have found a way to work with my ego and I’ll let you in on the secret. Try it out and see if it benefits you. I listen to everything my ego says. I listen to and acknowledge my initial reaction to a situation. I’ve found that this initial strong reaction, especially to things that are unsettling, is usually my ego at work. It’s my inner self trying to look out for me, trying to keep me safe. We don’t have to ignore our egos or shove them into the ground.

I listen to what my ego has to say. I acknowledge if it’s upset and dive deeper as to why. I accept my initial feelings and initial calls to action for what they are, valid. But then, instead of letting myself blindly react to the person or then event that stirred my ego, I breathe and look deeper inside myself. I go deeper than my protective ego and figure out why I am feeling the way I am. I dive deep into my feelings. I evaluate and consider how I actually want to respond and what desired outcome I genuinely want to walk away with.

By doing this, I am acknowledging and listening to my ego. Ego’s don’t get upset for no reason; they provide us with important information if we take the time to listen. Then I mindfully and intentionally respond in a way that is going to serve my higher good and is aligned with who I am as a person.

I’ll give you an example to show you this method at work. If an individual is rude to me, my ego usually wants to argue with that person. It wants to let them know they cannot be rude to me; this is a valid feeling and reaction. But instead of letting my Ego respond that way right away, I take time to think. I ask myself important questions. Who is this stranger? What benefits will I get from this interaction? Could they be having a bad day? Usually people who are mean to others have inner turmoil going on. Do I want to stoop to this person’s level and take on the energy they are putting out or do I want to move on with my life? There are times when I do want to speak out against the situation. But there are also times, much more often, where silence is the strongest response. This keeps my inner peace and lets the aggravated party be alone in their negativity without dragging me down with it.

I always have my ego in my corner, willing to protect me. But the more confident I have become, the less I need it.