The holidays are a time of gathering. There are parties and more interactions with family and friends. It is a time of joy, excitement, and reconnection with loved ones. For many, the holidays can also come with their fair share of stressors. Keep stress levels …
There are no wrong emotions, they all are valid. We cannot control how we feel about circumstances or events. Your truth is your truth. The initial feelings you have in response to events are always okay.
What you can control is how you choose to react and respond even when emotions are heightened. Just because your feelings and emotions are valid, doesn’t mean they give you an excuse to behave however you want. It’s important to keep in mind that your initial emotions do not consider many factors you’d prefer to consider when thinking with a rational mind and not one overcome with strong feelings. Your emotions do not consider your goals, the relationships you’d like to keep, or the work you’ve put in thus far.
Do you feel like you have a tendency to focus on the negative aspects of your life and gloss over the positive aspects? If you feel like you do, you’re probably right and you’re not alone. No, you aren’t a downer or a pessimist. This tendency is actually an evolutionary adaptation called the negativity bias which likely helped keep your ancestors alive.
The Negativity Bias is humans’ tendency to give more weight to things that go wrong than things that go right. We respond faster and stronger to things our brains label as “bad,” easily dismissing the good. This helped our ancestors stay away from things that could harm them and be detrimental to our survival.
Our amygdala uses about 2/3 of its neurons to detect negativity and then quickly store it into long-term memory. So, 2/3 of your emotion and motivation regulator is designed to focus primarily on the negative.
In our world, for those of us who are fortunate enough to have our basic needs met, the constant negativity bias is no longer necessary for survival. The negativity bias, which was once an adaptive advantage, can therefore become maladaptive. So much so that a negative event can be detrimental to our work, relationships, health and happiness. Continually viewing things through the lens of the negativity bias can increase stress levels, impair our happiness and general quality of life. It also makes it harder to be patient and giving towards others.
Fortunately, there is a way to change the brain’s negativity bias. First, bring awareness to the fact that “bad” comes through stronger than “good.” Then, it’s a matter of training our brains for positivity. Actively become more attuned to positive emotions such as joy, contentment, pride, and love. Studies claim that for a positive experience to get into our long-term memory we should hold it in our field of attention for at least 10-20 seconds or it could disappear. This helps with sensitizing the amygdala to focus more on the good.
Due to another bias, the brain’s confirmation bias, the brain tends to search for, interpret, favor, and record information in a way that confirms or supports one’s beliefs and value. So, actively value and build on the positive. Notice and savor the positives. Purposefully draw your attention to and keep your attention on the positive aspects of your life. Draw your focus to the things that bring you joy. When you consistently partake in this practices that do this, you will be able to gradually shift what your subconscious mind focuses on. When you are to give more weight to the good, it will greatly change your overall experience of life for the better.
For help with this, contact me to sign up for 1:1 coaching here!
A strong and intentional morning routine is the key to a great day. It’s great to make your morning routine a priority, but the truth is we don’t always have hours to dedicate to it. Sometimes we sleep in, sometimes we have somewhere to be earlier than usual, sometimes we simply don’t have the time. There are a million different reasons. What will set you up for a great day, even when you don’t have much time to devote to yourself, is having a set of non-negotiables. These non-negotiables are activities that you know will help you have the best day that you can.
Before you open yourself up to the outside world and influence, do something for your mind, your body, and your soul. Develop quick practices you can do in each category as your non-negotiables.
Sometimes happiness hits you, but most of the time it’s a choice you make. It’s something you have to purposefully create not happen upon. Becoming aware of this and intentionally creating happiness in the normalcy is where sustainable happiness lies.
I want to bring your attention to your why. So much of what you do day in and day out is done on autopilot. Science estimates that 95 percent of our brain’s activity is unconscious. That means that an overwhelming majority of the decisions you make are done subconsciously. You do things without even fully realizing you’re doing them sometimes. So many people have no idea what the reasoning is behind their actions, emotions, and goals.
I want to bring your attention to your why in hopes that you’ll take time to consider it before taking action. In doing this, you’ll bring some of your actions out of subconscious autopilot and into conscious and intentional action. Next time you feel motivated to do something, ask yourself why. When you feel emotional, ask yourself why. Feel hurt by something? Dive into the why. You can begin this process with specific situations. If for instance, you don’t like your job, journal about why and see what patterns you find. Did you enjoy your date with your partner last night? Ask yourself why. Communicate with your partner about what you enjoyed so you can experience more authentic connection.
Understanding your why helps you take action aligned with your values. Knowing your why allows you to confidently pursue your goals. When you understand your why, you better understand yourself. When you understand what hurts you, you can then heal. When you understand what motivates you, you can leverage it. When you understand why certain things leave you feeling happy, you can add more joy to your life.
When you have strong feelings don’t just accept them, dive into them. When you set your sights on new goals, before you begin pursuing them dive into the why. Why do you think that goal will be beneficial? How do you think that goal will make you feel? How can you feel that way now?
Bring your why into the forefront of your mind. Consider it an initial part of the decision making process. Journal about it before you take action and reflect on it after you do. Learn more about your subconscious so you can intentionally design the life that leaves you feeling your best. Want 1:1 coaching on this? Click here to learn more about coaching or email me at lunchroomlitigation.com
Happy July Everyone! We’re a little over half way through 2022! This is a great time to take stock of how you’re currently feeling in your life. Is your current lifestyle serving you? Think back to what your New Year’s goals were. How are you progressing towards meeting those goals? Be honest with yourself. If you aren’t as close as you would like towards your goals, don’t feel discouraged. Use this time as an opportunity.
Looking for vacation destinations that are dog friendly? Look no further than Maine. My partner, Marty, and I visited the state last summer with our dog, Rory, and found it to be extremely dog friendly. The state is especially appealing to those who love the outdoors. If you and your furry friend love hiking, Acadia National Park has it all.
About 10 years ago there was an article on Humans of New York. The individual being interviewed was asked what advice she had for younger generations. Her response was when a wave comes, go deep. The meaning I have assigned to this advice has evolved over the years, it’s fluidity like the ocean. Every few years I uncover a deeper meaning.
At first, I thought it was advice against procrastination. Advice against putting the hard stuff off. When you see a wave of to-dos coming your way, get under it. Don’t stand there and let it build until it crashes into you. Get after it, get under it.
That first diagnostic? It still holds true. And it’s evolved into more. I’ve uncovered this metaphor is an “and” not an “or.”
When emotional waves hit you, don’t accept them as what they first present. Go deep. When experiencing anger, don’t accept the anger as the sole emotion. Although it sometimes presents strongest, it often isn’t the primary emotion. Over the years I’ve learned to pause. Instead of running with the strong emotion, go deeper than that initial strong feeling. Get curious about how your emotions are presenting and how you are actually feeling. Often when you dig deep you find there is much more at play than your initial reaction. Anger usually protects vulnerable feelings like hurt, disappointment, or fear.
Look for the why behind your actions. Behind others actions. Behind your relationships. Authentic connection with yourself and with others comes from vulnerability and honesty. But in order to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and others you need to go deep. You need to dive down beneath the surface waves and figure out what’s really going on. What emotions you’re really experiencing, not just the emotions that jump up to protect you.
I suspect this meaning will continue to evolve and I hope it does. As humans we are constantly changing and evolving as we learn and gather experience. When given the opportunity to go deep, take it.
To learn more about how to go deep and how to develop the self-awareness necessary to do it, click here to schedule your free introductory coaching call.
“We cannot live being governed by how we feel. Our emotions are temporary and not always reflective of reality.” –Brianna Wiest in her book the: The Mountain is You. We’ve all been there. We feel strong emotions and want to react. But is that always …
