How to Prioritize Presence as We Navigate a New Normal

When I first heard the concept of “staying present” I didn’t fully understand what people were talking about. I thought: “What is the hype about? Of course, I’m present. I’m experiencing this moment. There is no other option but to be experiencing this moment. How could I be anything but present?” Presence seemed so simple. So, I thought I understood what people were talking about. I felt this way for a few years to be honest. Not understanding what was meant by staying present, but not understanding that I didn’t understand. For an exaggerated example, I can equate the ignorance to when I first got a car with Apple Car play. My fiancé and sister always talked on about how great Apple Car Play was. I saw them use it, I understood how it could be beneficial. But not until I actually had it in my own car and regularly experienced it did I understand how much it upgraded my driving experience. To have podcasts, directions and phone calls on the same screen. Text messages read out loud, the ability to speak back my responses. No more blue tooth malfunctions. Everything flowed seamlessly. But until I had it, I did not know what I was missing. I thought my bluetooth and aux cord connections served my purposes just fine. Just as I thought my level of presence in my pre-pandemic life was just fine. I had nothing else to compare it to. But now, just as I won’t be going back to an Apple-Car-Play-less car, I will not be going back to a less than fully present life. Staying present is hard. It felt very abstract, very vague. I understood my mind wandered. I could admit that sometimes my thoughts went somewhere else, but I thought I was still experiencing the moment. I was still physically there.

Then, a global pandemic hit. I had more time on my hands. I choose to use that time in self-reflection and to learn a few things (I also choose to use it to binge watch Gilmore Girls and Grace & Frankie but I digress). I no longer had to wake up and drive to work, didn’t have to plan what I was having for lunch and dinner every day of the week, plan when I would get my work outs in, when the laundry needed to be done. I had more time. I meditated. I learned to focus on my breathing. I learned how to bring my mind back to the present moment when it would start to wonder. And gradually, I began to notice a difference.

I was fully present in moments that I had never been before. When the world slowed down so did I. I was more focused on the here and the now. I wasn’t worried about what I should be doing, what I needed to get done. As a result, I was focused on what was happening. I wasn’t distracted, my energy was fully invested in the present moment. Because of this deepened level of presence, I was able to notice things I didn’t usually notice. The magnolia trees were more beautiful when they bloomed, my reaction to stressors was more reflective than reactive, others laughter brought me authentic joy. I saw how beautiful the sun’s rays are when they hit the leaves at sunset. I felt how much happier the birds are when the weather warms up, how lovely the warmth of a fire is on my bare skin when it’s snowing outside. During pre-pandemic life these things were all happening around me. I was experiencing them, I was there, hearing the sounds and feeling the feelings. But when I was really present, when my mind was truly only focused on the here and now it all resonated in me differently. There was more joy in the everyday. I experienced greater fulfillment and greater pleasure.

Now, as courts open back up, as businesses struggle to make up for lost time, as traffic rebuilds, as we add more to our calendars, it’s getting harder and harder to stay present. Our weekends are starting to fill with baby showers, weddings, graduations, wine nights, game nights, extended family dinners, networking events at work. The list of family and friends asking to see us is getting longer. Our energy is being demanded from others again and it is hard to say no. It’s lovely to be loved and valued by people who want to spend time with us. But it’s getting harder and harder to hold on to the perspective gained during quarantine. Harder to keep our energy for ourselves and as a result harder to save energy to devote to being present.

Spring comes, the trees flower. The magnolia trees look beautiful on the way to work but they aren’t hitting quite the same as when I could really stop and stare at them. When I could watch the birds fly from branch to branch. When I could marvel at the beauty of this world without having to rush to the next thing on my agenda for the day.

As things pick back up, as there is more traffic, more social gatherings, more work to get done, as there is more & more, how do we prioritize presence? How do we prioritize presence as we navigate this new normal? I’m going to make a conscious effort to save some of my precious energy for me. To not give it all away. Not to feel obligated to RSVP yes to every invitation that arrives at my house, to not feel obligated to pick up whenever the phone rings, to not respond to an email as soon as it reaches my inbox. I’m going to save some energy for me, carve out time in my calendar for me & me alone. So that when the sun sets and her rays hit the willow tree’s leaves, I have the energy to make myself stop and immerse myself in that moment. To consider nothing else but the beauty in our world.  

*Find yourself struggling to adjust to post-lockdown life? You’re not alone. Email me at lunchroomlitigation.com and sign up for Life Coaching with me. Life is hard, but I can help make it feel less heavy.