“Must be Nice”

Whenever I hear myself saying “must be nice”, I know there’s some inner work that needs to be done. Some inner processing that is likely going to make me face some less than ideal truths about myself. But shedding light on darkness gives darkness less power. “Must be nice” is never coming from a positive place. In fact, if I’m being honest with both myself and you, it’s usually coming from a bitter place. And I for one hate being bitter. To clarify, I’m not talking about the authentic-wow-i’m cheering for you: must be nice. I’m talking about the Jean down the street just won the lottery-why can’t I win the lottery-Jean already has a lot of money-sneery: “must be nice.“

To try to process and move past the uncomfortable low vibe feelings, I move my body, take the walks, do the deep breathing. Sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes that gives me the perspective I need to move on or to see things differently.

Other times however the bitter “must be nice” mindset is still there. So, I have to look inward and conceptualize what this negative emotion is trying to tell me.

Normally, it’s telling me that I also want the thing that made me say “must be nice” in the first place. Immediately after realizing I want said thing, I make up a reason in my head as to why I can’t have it. My brain tells me I can’t afford it, I don’t have the time, I don’t have the skill, I’m not lucky enough.

 Then it dawns on me. It’s no wonder I’m bitter when that is the negative self talk my subconscious is feeding me. Would I tell my friend she can’t afford what she wants? That she’s not lucky enough. That she doesn’t have enough time for a hobby. Would I tell her she’s not enough? No. I’d tell her she can do whatever the fuck she wants.

So why, pray tell, am I allowing my subconscious to be so limiting to me. Why do I allow it to tell me I’m not enough for what I want? Why do I let it tell me I can’t do what I want? We have one life to live. I’m done letting my subconscious speak to me in such a way.

I have strength, I have wealth, I have health, I have everything I need. I can spend my time however I please. If I don’t have enough money now, I can always get more. If I don’t have enough time, I can always rework my schedule. I am the one and only person in charge of my life. I can achieve anything. Luck or circumstance has nothing to do with it. I can quite literally do whatever I want. And, so can you.

By taking control back of my life, by shedding light on the negativity surrounding certain thoughts, by giving myself some much needed perspective, I can rewrite the narrative. If I want something, instead of letting myself feel bitter about not having said thing, I can go out and get it. I’ve gotten everything I’ve really wanted and needed in this life. Even if I couldn’t see it at the time, everything has worked out perfectly every time. I trust I know the way.

It must be nice feels different this time.