Control the Controllable and Surrender
Controllable
Humans, in actuality, can control very little external to us. We don’t know if something outside of our control will bring us to our knees. What we can control is if we get up and how we choose to perceive events. We decide how we react and how we move forward.
With the understanding that very little is actually controllable, I have a practice of controlling the controllable when things feel uncontrollable. It’s a bit of a tongue twister but bear with me. Controlling the controllable is doing what you can. It’s taking the steps you can take. It’s doing the things that will bring you closer to where you want to be.
The controllable can be anything and is unique to you and your specific goals. It can be organizing the pantry, doing a self-care routine, taking deep breaths, getting a workout in, grabbing lunch with a friend, anything to help manage big feelings. It’s important to sit in the discomfort of these feelings, you don’t want to use this practice as an attempt to block out negative emotions. Blocking out or numbing negative emotions will only make them come back stronger. But you don’t want these feelings to control how you act. Controlling the controllable helps you step out of your emotional mind and into your logical mind. It helps you gain control of your nervous system. This allows your logical brain a chance to take over and show you that things aren’t as bad as your thoughts would lead you to believe. You are then able to choose how you would like to proceed and respond as opposed to blindly reacting out of emotion or fear. Don’t let the rumination, the what-if, the could-be, the almost-was, control your life. Controlling the controllable is a tool you can add to your toolbox to get out of your head when you want to stop or prevent a spiraling thought process.
There are many methods, systems, and/or tasks that may or may not work for you to get you closer to where you want to be. Use trial and error to figure out what systems work for you. Hire a coach if you want to try new systems, be held accountable, or be encouraged through the process.
Controlling the controllable is doing what you can to set yourself up for success. It’s figuring out what you can do today that will get you closer to where you want to be or it is repeating practices that have helped you in the past. For example, if you want to get up earlier, controlling the controllable would be going to bed earlier, laying your clothes out the night before, leaving your phone outside your bedroom, or having the right temperature in your room when you sleep. If you’ve noticed having an organized living environment gives you mental clarity, then perhaps it’s taking the time to organize your closet.
The point is there are things you can do, steps you can take, to use your energy in beneficial ways and bring your goals closer to fruition. Utilize the controllable to help yourself, to give yourself a lifeline when things start feeling heavy.
Surrender
There usually comes a point in every journey where you’ve done all that you can do. Where there are no more steps that you can take. Where it’s time to trust in yourself, in your process, in your journey. At some point the Olympians stop training. At some point it’s time to run the race. To take the test. To go after your dream job. When that time comes, its trusting and surrendering, which is really what you’ve been doing all along, that will get you through.
Trust that whatever happens is happening for your highest good. Trust that both the universe and yourself are taking care of you. Surrender to heartbreak, to failure, to disappointment. Let it break you open and choose to see the beauty and the growth of it. Even if you can’t see the reasoning for why something is happening from where you currently are, trust that you’re going to come out stronger and more evolved because of it.
Recognize where rumination must make way for surrender. If you cannot think of any solutions, maybe there are none. Perhaps you just have to sit with it, surrender, and trust.